woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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