i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize