I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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