I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
