She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
