He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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