I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Randomize