TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
