I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
there's paper in my vomit.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
