NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
