I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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