Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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