Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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