if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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