my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
