He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so let's talk penis.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
