Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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