My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
