Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
