So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
