she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
