Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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