I wish I only lived at night.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
