Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
