she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
