I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
