Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
