I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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