I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
