Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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