it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
