that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
im about as happy as oj after his trial
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
