the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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