the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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