I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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