Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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