Ketchup is God's man juice
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
