I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
