I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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