he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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