A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
