Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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