Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
