tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
