omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
