last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
A+ Viking dick
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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