life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
