You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
