yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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