I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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