I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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