You work out of a Hotel?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
