my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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