someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
