ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
