Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
