Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
