He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Randomize
