I must be too annoying 4 u.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize