mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize