The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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