She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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