i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
