Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
