ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
